changes

its only a few months since poly life started.
i think alot of things have changed.
all around us.
even i have changed i guess.lol.
good or bad?i duno.

i feel rather awkard and uneasy smtimes.
people will talk abt u, comment abt u once u do smthing disgusting/weird/watever.
it feels kinda restricting.
i duno y i have this mentality, but yea it sucks.
and somehow,
now i have this thought of being "careful" not to expose too much of myself too others.
i duno why.
mayb im just affected by those around me.
backstabbers/watever names u can find to call those people.

u suddenly find urself stranded on this "islands" with a bunch of "strangers"
u think u may have know them well, but in the next moment, they change.
and yea, in poly/jc life we are exposed to another new/large group of people.
mayb tats the reason why they start to put on "masks" to cover their "true identity"?
to protect themselves from people.
and only take off the masks once they feel tat the other party is mark as "safe"
but however, once they show their true self to the other party,
the other party actually changes to another person.
its just like a vicious cycles.
it continues on and on.
u will not know when its gonna stop.

the bottom line is tat,
i dun feel comfortable at all in this community.
i miss the environment in TK.
i miss how i fooled ard with my friends,
not bothering how disgusting or weird i am,
for i know that watever i do,
they will accept me.
'cos thats just who i am(was?).
but whats gone is gone.
i dont mind sacrificing to bring those back.